If We Had a Cartoonist: McCain in a Swimsuit

This entry was posted by jack l. baird on Tuesday, October 28th, 2008 at 1:36 pm.

The clip summarized: In reaction to political cartoons that depict Sarah Palin in a bathing suit, Greta van Susteren and Cindy McCain comment that such a sexist gesture would never be applied to the likes of a male candidate. In other words, they conclude, no one will put John McCain in a swimsuit.

OK, ladies, you asked for it. Here’s our hilarious political cartoon of John McCain in a swimsuit!

Well, um, actually, we don’t have a cartoonist at Owl&Bear. But if we did, right now we’d be showing you hilarious drawings of things, and they’d be funny too. Since we don’t, I’m just going to try and explain to you what the cartoon would have looked like, if we had a cartoonist to draw it.

Okay, so he’s wearing one of those old-timey one-piece swimsuits. Like the ones that men used to wear in the Roaring Twenties that covered their torsos as well as their junk. Or should it be a speedo? No, no, it’s the old-fashioned kind. Maybe it’s made of wool? I don’t know what it’s called, but you know the swimsuit I mean, right? And he’s on the beach slightly hunched over and grinning a real smug-like grin to show that he’s smug. Also, ooh, he’s wearing a carney hat or a traveling-elixir-salesman flat-topped-straw thing. Yeah, that shows he’s old and out of touch. What’s more is that his head is big, like real big, and his body small and out of proportion—the image in my head is really funny!

Hmmm…scratch that. The whole thing. I’m thinking that it should be a speedo. Yeah. He could be in a speedo, a total banana hammock, showing off his pruny physique, and sporting a sash (which will say something clever), since he’s competing in the swimsuit-portion of a beauty pageant. (This one’s funny because it reminds me of when Palin was in pageants.) He’ll be onstage with other contestants just behind him—since it’s his turn to show off—posing in front of a closed curtain. Picture McCain as a caricature of himself—goofy big head and scrawny body—while the rest will be godly proportioned hunks or foxes—it’s unclear whether he’ll be competing against men or women (both are very funny to imagine).

Oh, I just had an idea. A really good one, too. Greta van Susteren and Cindy McCain are on the campaign bus. In order to get a good mental image of this, look at the video clip above. Now, they look like they do in that video and one of them is imagining McCain in the old-timey thing and the other is thinking of him in a speedo. You can tell they’re imagining these images because they would have those thought bubbles you see in the comics. This thing is good—more than good, really! Man, if only you could see the cartoon in my head. It’s really biting and subversive and just plain brilliant satire. John McCain looks so silly in his swimsuits.