Proposition to Rename Sewage Plant after Bush Fails; Sewage Plant Retains Dignity

This entry was posted by harry s truman on Thursday, November 6th, 2008 at 5:44 pm.

The people of San Francisco—that’s a city in California, for all you “real” Americans—have voted against Proposition R, which would’ve renamed the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant.

Now, I dislike the high-pressure sewage treatment lobby as much as the next guy, and we here at Owl&Bear try to give them as little publicity as possible. Therefore, you may have already asked yourself why we’re even bothering to write about this. The answer lies in the proposed name for the plant: The George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Believing that such a facility viscerally evokes the persona of our current lame-duck president, the heathens of San Francisco were kind enough to offer their beloved sewage plant as a tribute to Bush and all the things he has done on America since becoming president.

Yet, shockingly, the proposition got stopped up. In his argument against the measure, Colin V. Gallagher stated:

Proponents…may consider the Bush Administration to be a joke. However, the consequences of the decision to invade are not a laughing matter for families of those who have died during the past five years. This measure, whatever its intentions, disrespects them…Besides, if we name the local sewage plant after Bush, then what’s left to name after Jesse Helms?

Gallagher’s argument no doubt created more tension and less relief for voters, but it was only one of the proposal’s many ingredients that voters had difficulty passing. Fear that the name change would be an affront to the dignity of the plant’s workers also lead to the dropping of something that initially seemed fertile.

A fictional worker at the plant had this to say: “Sure, there’s the fine workers here to think about, but there’s also the appropriateness. Does a place that processes pure shit really do justice to how freakishly bad Bush’s presidency was? Also, our plant gets rid of shit, whereas Bush spent eight years piling it up to our eyeballs.”

San Franciscans agreed with this notion and soundly expelled the rule, but many have already sat down to rethink their approach. New tributes to the outgoing president are already partially digested, with some early favorites beginning to peekaboo. One such nugget is to rename San Francisco Zoo’s chimpanzee house after Bush, whose feces-strewn walls closely resemble those of the Oval Office. Novartis Pharmaceuticals’ nearby Emeryville office has also offered to create a special line of Bush-branded laxatives, specifically designed to be used in conjunction with an American flag diaper.

Whatever their decision, we’re proud of San Francisco for unclogging the dilemma of giving Bush a fitting tribute. San Franciscans are taking their time, waiting for a suitably ripe number-two concept to emerge, refusing to squeeze out just any shitty idea.