Author Archive for jake geddes
No kidding:
U.S. Senator James Inhofe, the slow-witted Republican and obviously under-qualified member of the Environment and Public Works committee, says that global warming is a left wing, Weather Channel terrorist conspiracy. That’s right, this has nothing to do with big, negligent corporations who are unwilling save human lives by cutting emissions.
On Fox News, Inhofe says: “Those individuals from the far left, and I’m talking about the Hollywood elitists, and the United Nations, and those individuals, want us to believe it’s because we’re contributing CO2 to the atmosphere that’s causing global warming. It’s all about money, I mean, what would happen to the Weather Channel’s ratings if people weren’t scared anymore?”
Land Of The Free, Home Of The Fat Ass Dog (Yahoo!) - I still don’t know what to make of this article. Excerpt: “U.S. health officials have approved the first prescription weight-loss drug aimed at treating Americans’ increasingly plump pooches.” What the Christ?
Paula Abdul, Prossible Stroke Victim? (NYT) - Speaking of overmedicated canines, Paula Abdul has denied being under the influence of any drugs or alcohol during her awkward-yet-hilarious efforts to promote this year’s season of American Idol.
Fair enough. But even if Abdul has a policy to abstain from alcohol and drugs, doesn’t the denial actually raise more questions? For example: what in the Hell, then, caused her to slur her words and act like a stroke victim? I’m warning you, Paula: you don’t want a mob of living-dead stroke victims chasing you down trying to eat your schnapps-marinated brain.
This Is An Eight-Year-Old Criticizing Bill O’Reilly (via Edward Champion) - This YouTube is an illustration of what would happen if Bill O’Reilly was liberal and his listeners raised their kids to be Brainwashed Atheist Democrats instead of Brainwashed Christian Republicans. To discredit, O’Reilly playsa the “child abuse” card. Brilliant dumbassery!
Accused PA Murderer Uses ‘Reprehensible Person ≠ Murderer’ Hasty Generalization Defense (LancasterOnline) - “Mr. Stewart is not guilty of the crime that the commonwealth has charged him with,” Renteria said. “Just because somebody is a bad person, makes accusations about cheating and is a horrible, evil and disgusting person does not mean they committed murder.”
Philadelphia Town Mulls Guns For Every Household (Reuters) - Note to self- all women in Cherry Tree PA are defenseless, and all citizens are armed. Says city councilman/resident dumbass Henry Statkowski: “The male head of the household has the responsibility to defend the family from intruders.” Says reality: “The measure is unlikely to pass because state law prevents municipalities from making their own gun laws.” And while 40% of Americans typically own guns, Cherry Tree is way ahead of the flock, with a perfect 100%: Aaron Fry, owner of the Cherry Tree Cafe, said “every house [in his town already] has a couple of guns.”
Singer Troy Gentry Regrets Felony Arrest For Illegally Claiming To Have Shot ‘Cubby’ The Captive Bear In The Wild, But Not For Actually Shooting Said Caged Animal - Under the plea announced Monday, the 39-year-old singer agreed to pay a $15,000 fine, give up hunting, fishing and trapping in Minnesota for five years, and forfeit both the bear’s hide and the bow he used to shoot the animal in 2004. The bear, named “Cubby,” was killed in a 3-acre private enclosure.
It’s Political Awards Season! CREW Releases Corruption List - And The Citizens For Responsibility And Ethics In Washington Top Three are: Conrad ‘Connie’ Burns (R-MT) (pictured), Bill Frist (R-TN), and Rick Santorum (R-PA). Congratulations, boys! Okay, everyone, back to work. Especially you, Mr. Santorum. Don’t you have opponents’ unibrows to ridicule?
Exxon, Phillip Morris Revealed In Plot To Falsify Science - In an unprecedented step, the Royal Society, Britain’s premier scientific academy, has written to the oil giant to demand that the company withdraws support for dozens of groups that have “misrepresented the science of climate change by outright denial of the evidence.” But wait, there’s more: according to Slashdot.com, the Guardian has also reported that Phillip Morris is most responsible for the scheme, and recently published an excerpt from the new book “Heat” by George Monbiot. In the book, Monbiot outlines a web of fake citizens’ groups and bogus (but authoritative-sounding) research institutes designed to convince laypeople that human causation of global warming is scientifically controversial. From the Guardian article: “What I have discovered while researching this issue is that the corporate funding of lobby groups denying that man-made climate change is taking place was initiated not by Exxon, or by any other firm directly involved in the fossil fuel industry. It was started by the tobacco company Philip Morris.”
